Short Irish jokes

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says “For gods sake Paddy, that’s your air freshener swinging about!”

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Paddy goes to his doctor complaining about being constipated ,so the doc says “try these and come back next week”
when Paddy arrives at the doctors the doctor asks him if the treatment worked.
Paddy replies “Those things I might have shoved them up my arse for all the good they done

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An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.
is wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?”
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.
“Here boy” he replies.

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Paddy is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“What the hell you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself” Paddy replies.
“It should be around your neck” says the Guard.
“I know” says Paddy “but I couldn’t breathe”.

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An American tourist asks an Irishman.
“Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the Irishman replies:
“If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the bloody boat.”

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