How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don’t work.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”
How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?