Im so popular … All the neighbourhood boys bought me yoga pants for Christmas
My sons friends all must have lisps because they always ask me for a glass of Milf.
My kids were talking about the Adele song Rolling a Joint and I corrected them. It’s Rolling in the deep.
I think my daughter wants to be a policewoman when she gets older … She has a pair of handcuffs under her bed.
My daughter must have a Biology project cause I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom.
My son’s black friend asked me if I could handle his “long pipe”…I was more than happy to give him my plumber’s number.
My son got in trouble for telling his teacher he wants a hand job…But why? I think it’s wonderful he wants to be more hands on at school.
I heard my husband telling his friend that he rammed his secretary. I better check the car insurance to see if they will pay for her car!
My daughter and her boyfriend are cute sleeping in the bed together, I wonder what they’re dreaming about with all the yelling and movement!