MALE STATEMENTS

Statement: “I have something to tell you.”
True Meaning: “Get tested.”

Statement: “I’ve been thinking a lot.”
True Meaning: “You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk.”

Statement: “I think we should just be friends.”
True Meaning: “You’re ugly.”

Statement: “I’ve learned a lot from you.”
True Meaning: “Next!!!!”

Statement: “I’m on a long distance call, can you call me later?”
True Meaning: “I gotta turn on my answering machine.”

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They’re married.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.

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