Short Jewish jokes

Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I AM 60!” Doctor:
“See! What did I tell you?”
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A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks, “Doc, how do I stand?
The doctor says, “That’s what puzzles me!”
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Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears. ” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.
The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”
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A man called his mother in Florida . “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because, I didn’t want my mouth to be full in case you should call.”
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A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner – Take it or leave it.
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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, “What part is it?”
The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

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