Jewish taxi driver

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City
and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”
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Jewish man on his deathbed

A old Jewish man on his deathbed whispered, “Sarah, Sarah, where are you, my dear wife?”

“Right here at your side, my love.”

“And my son, Moishe…where is he?”

“Right here at your side, papa.”
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Short Jewish jokes

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?”
The man says, “I make a good living.”
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I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me!
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Short Jewish jokes

Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I AM 60!” Doctor:
“See! What did I tell you?”
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A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks, “Doc, how do I stand?
The doctor says, “That’s what puzzles me!”
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Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears. ” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”
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Making the Headlines, Joke.

The editor of a small Israeli newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline:

“HALF OF THE MEMBERS OF THE KNESSET ARE CROOKS.”
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lesson on triangles, joke.

Mr. Rosenberg, a geometry teacher at Maimonides High School started a lesson on triangles by reading a theorem.

“If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles.”
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Holy lottery ticket

One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor said that he had 10 days to 2 weeks left to live.

Moishe said, ‘Dr. I’ve done good things all my life.

All I ever wanted was to win the lottery, just once!’

The doctor said, ‘Sorry Moishe, you’re gonna die.’
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foreskins

At the end of each one he would throw the foreskins into a jar in his bag.

After many year he had gathered a rather large collection of foreskins.

Unsure of what to do with them he consulted his friend, the leatherworker.

The leatherworker tells him he has an idea and he will call the rabbi in a few weeks.
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The tie, joke.

A member of the fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.

The Taliban said, “My thirst is killing me. Please, do you have water?”

The Jew replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes.
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Come & get me! , joke.

Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon.

When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.

“Well,” said Leah, “how was the honeymoon,darling?”

“Oh mum,” Sarah replied, “the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and…”

Then Sarah started to cry. “Oh mum, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language.

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The school teacher’s prize.

Angela was nearing 60 and was in her final year of teaching.

She was a devout Christian who missed teaching from the Bible.

Because she was worried at how little her class knew about religion.

Angela decided she was going to disregard the new regulations and teach some religion.

She told her class that she would run a contest.

She would give £50 to whoever could tell her who was the greatest man who ever lived.
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