A lady of the night

Gordon Brown was lookin for a lady of the night.

He found a girl in a local pub.

He said: “I’m Prime minister of England, how much would it cost me to spend time with you …?”
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$50 billion

Submitted by crochetthread

It is a distinguished honour to serve on the Committee to raise $50 billion US Tax Dollars for a monument to Hillary Rodham Clinton.

We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore, until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.

We then decided to erect her statue in Washington DC, but we were in a quandary as to where it should be placed.
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A Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and President Bush

Three men , a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and President
Bush are out walking together one day. They come across
a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

“I will give each of you one wish, that’s three wishes
total,” says the Genie.

The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a
farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land
to be forever fertile in Canada.
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cattle guards

Submitted by eaf143

For those of you who have never travelled to the west, or southwest,
cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings,
in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area.

For some reason the cattle will not step on the “guards,” probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.
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Fixing the White House fence, joke.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
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Bill Clinton joke

Clinton walks out into his garden one day and in the snow he says “bastard” written in piss.

He is so outraged he goes into the oval office and calls the CIA and FBI to tell them to find out who did this horrible thing to his garden.

So they go out and investigate and when they return they say.

“Well Bill, we’ve got bad news and we’ve got worse news, which one would you like to hear first?”
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Bill Clinton

A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day.

He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal.

As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt.

He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong.

The cop said, “Man we are in a crisis situation.

Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset.
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