A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked: ‘WW’, ‘WA’, ‘PP’ and ‘ATR’. Continue reading →
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: “We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing — assume the brace position immediately!”
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: “What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to friggin’ crash!”
Claudia responds: “I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces — which is why I am putting on my make-up.” Continue reading →
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it’s final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto”.
He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, “Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?” Continue reading →
Would you like to sit down during your flight? Yes/No You have chosen yes £56
Would you like to sit down on the way back? Yes/No You have chosen yes £72
Would you like your legs to fit in the seating area with you? Yes/No You have chosen yes £82
Will you be wearing clothes on your holiday? Yes/No you have chosen yes
and you will therefore need bags to put them in £52
Do you have your own insurance? Yes/No you have chosen yes therefore the compulsory insurance will be discounted by 10% as our gift to you £64
Will you want insurance for your wife? Yes/No You have answered no, but you have to £64
YOU ARE HALF WAY TO BOOKING THE FLIGHT OF YOUR DREAMS! Continue reading →
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.
Now sit back and relax.
OH MY GOD!” Continue reading →
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.
“Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. Continue reading →
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Continue reading →