A blonde bought two horses

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.

A neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.

The second horse’s tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail.

Our blonde friend was stuck again.
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Condescending Dummy

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Tennessee. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
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Blonde/Brunette/Redhead on Run

There was 3 girls on the run being chased by cops, they went in a barn and hid in 3 seperate potato bags.

The cops picked up the 1st bag and the auburn says “meow meow”.
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Blonde jokes

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.

Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn’t follow you home after you lay it.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it…
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Blonde in a fancy Paris restaurant

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror.

But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear.

One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
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Blonde jokes

What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!
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Blonde paints

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
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Blonde joke: blonde crying her eyes out.

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”
The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”
“I’m terribly sorry to hear that.
Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy.
Just take the day off to relax and rest.”
The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”
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Blonde riding a horse.

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
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T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”

She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.

He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
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Blonde jokes

What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A wine and cheese party!

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch ‘n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
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Blonde at a soda machine

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
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Blonde jokes.

What do smart blondes and UFO’s have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Cause it said concentrate.

What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many went down on the Titanic.
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Blonde jokes

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?

Q. What’s the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
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The Circle

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car.

She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.

The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.

The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.

Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats.

He turns around and sees she’s smiling.
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