mountain woman goes to the doctors

Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer.
After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, “Doctor, I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.
We got us eight kids now and I just don’t know how we can go on.
I gotta do something about having all these babies or I’ll just lose my mind!”
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Bad News

A man got a call from his doctor who said “I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?”

The man says “The bad news.” The doctor says “The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!”
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Wife was to skinny

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
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TWICE a day

This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help
me. I just can’t stop having sex!”

“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.

“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day”, he answers back.

“That’s not so much”, says the doctor.

“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a  day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.
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Bob went to the doctors

Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.
“In over 20 years I haven’t because I try to remain professional.”
With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen.
It wasn’t any bigger than a AAA battery.
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Viagra gives a lift.

A man passed out on the beach in Naples, Florida, for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.

He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
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Rectal exam, joke,

I went into my proctologist’s office for my first rectal exam.

His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room And told me to get undressed and have a seat Until the doctor could see me .

She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down While waiting I observed That there were three items on a stand Next to the exam table:
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