A blonde bought two horses

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.

A neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.

The second horse’s tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail.

Our blonde friend was stuck again.
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Hee Haw

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked beside him.

As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and the boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people who remarked: “What a shame! He makes that little boy walk.”

They then decided they would both walk.
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A mole family

A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole, all live together in a little mole hole.

One day, papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said,’ Yummy! I smell maple syrup!’

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, ‘Oh, Yummy! I smell honey!’
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walking in the woods

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.

For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out.

He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished.

Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle.

He killed it, and started to eat it.

Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species.
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Panda joke.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich.

He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going?

You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”
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Inseminate one of the cows

A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

“That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate.”

Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town.
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Two zebras taking

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other.

“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”

The other replies, “Well I don’t know.

You should pray to God about that and ask him.”

So that night he did and God replied, “You are what you are.”
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The cruise

Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing.

On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers.

The magician ALWAYS had a parrot on his shoulder.

Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away.

One time the magician had a knife, he spun it around it disappeared!

The parrot said “It’s in his pocket, it’s in his pocket”.

The crowd booed him because the parrot gave it away.

The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished.

Again, the parrot said, “It’s up his sleeve! It’s up his sleeve!”

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Talking frog.

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
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A Bear and a Man.

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.

In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.

Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.

His hopes were dim.
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Christian lion.

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men.

They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer.

“Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.”
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2 cats, joke

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
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Short Irish vet jokes

Bill took his dog to the vet.
“Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”
The vet stepped back, “Bill, why should I do such a terrible thing?”
Bill replied, “Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want
anything to make her think she is welcome.”
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Bullfrog lost its hearing

A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump.

He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, “Jump, frog, jump!”

The frog jumped across the room.

The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, “Frog with four legs jumped eight feet.”
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Camel needs water.

An Arabian man and his friend were on an expedition across the desert, but he needed some advice when they finally reached a waterhole.

“I just can’t seem to get my camel to drink any water,” he explained, “and it’s a long way to the next waterhole and I’m worried it’ll die of thirst if it doesn’t drink now.”

“O. K.,” said the other, “I’ll show you what to do.

Bring the camel over here and I’ll hold its head in the water.
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Pearly gates of heaven

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven.

St. Peter says, “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.”

Cat: “Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it.”

St. Peter: “That’s easy. Granted. You shall have the satin pillow after you enter in.”
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