Golf Joke: Nasty Left Hook

John’s not a great golfer – in fact, he stinks. But he’s always working on his game, trying to improve. One afternoon, after a typically crappy round of golf, John is interrupted by a police officer as he’s throwing his clubs in the car. “Did you tee off on the 17th hole about 20 minutes ago?”

“Why, yes I did officer.” John replied.

“Did you by any chance hook your ball over the trees to the left, out of bounds?” asked the officer.

“Yep, I believe I did.” John answered. “How’d you know?”
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Golf lessons

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”
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Bad golf shot

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.

“Would the gentleman on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee please!!”

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
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young woman taking golf lessons

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”
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day at the golf course

John comes back quite late from a day at the golf course and his wife asks:

“What kind of time do you call this?”

“It was terrible dear,” John replies.

“I was playing a round with Harry and suddenly he collapsed and died at the third hole.”
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Religious golf battle

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

“Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.”

The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.

We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea.
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hold your husband’s penis, joke

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!”
“Well, what should I do?” asks the man.
“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.
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God will punish you

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, “Fuck, I missed.”

Surprised, the priest replied, “Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you.”

The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.

Again he missed and under his breath the said, “I fuckin missed again.”
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Saturday golf

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
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Golf accident

Two guys out on the golf green when suddenly one man gets hit by a golf ball ,so he grabs his groin with both hands and rolls on the grass in agony.

A lady golfer saw what had happened and rushes over to the man who was moaning and groaning in agony the woman says.
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An engineer, doctor, and pastor golfing

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?
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Take a sweater, joke

Four guys were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how
nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and
play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it. We’ll make it a
priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the
golf course.
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Golf joke

A married couple played golf together everyday.

One day the man and his wife were on the first tee of their local course, he was on the yellow tee and she was waiting in front of him by the ladies red tee.

He teed off and caught the ball perfectly, unfortunately it hit his wife smack in the back of the head killing her instantly.

She fell face down on the tee, didn’t know what hit her.
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