Jewish taxi driver

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City
and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

A priest and a rabbi

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.

After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know that in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?”

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, “I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion.”

Jewish man on his deathbed

A old Jewish man on his deathbed whispered, “Sarah, Sarah, where are you, my dear wife?”

“Right here at your side, my love.”

“And my son, Moishe…where is he?”

“Right here at your side, papa.”

Fortune teller

Adolf Hitler went to see a fortune teller.

Hitler asked “What day will i die on?”

The fortune teller answered that he will die on a Jewish holiday.

Short Jewish jokes

Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I AM 60!” Doctor:
“See! What did I tell you?”
———————————————————————
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks, “Doc, how do I stand?
The doctor says, “That’s what puzzles me!”
————————————————————————–
Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears. ” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

Making the Headlines, Joke.

The editor of a small Israeli newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline:

“HALF OF THE MEMBERS OF THE KNESSET ARE CROOKS.”

lesson on triangles, joke.

Mr. Rosenberg, a geometry teacher at Maimonides High School started a lesson on triangles by reading a theorem.

“If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles.”

Holy lottery ticket

One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor said that he had 10 days to 2 weeks left to live.

Moishe said, ‘Dr. I’ve done good things all my life.

All I ever wanted was to win the lottery, just once!’

The doctor said, ‘Sorry Moishe, you’re gonna die.’

foreskins

At the end of each one he would throw the foreskins into a jar in his bag.

After many year he had gathered a rather large collection of foreskins.

Unsure of what to do with them he consulted his friend, the leatherworker.

The leatherworker tells him he has an idea and he will call the rabbi in a few weeks.

The Inland Revenue, joke.

Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?”
“It is.”
“This is the Inland Revenue. Can you help us?”

Come & get me! , joke.

Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon.

When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.

“Well,” said Leah, “how was the honeymoon,darling?”

“Oh mum,” Sarah replied, “the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and…”

Then Sarah started to cry. “Oh mum, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language.

The school teacher’s prize.

Angela was nearing 60 and was in her final year of teaching.

She was a devout Christian who missed teaching from the Bible.

Because she was worried at how little her class knew about religion.

Angela decided she was going to disregard the new regulations and teach some religion.

She told her class that she would run a contest.

She would give £50 to whoever could tell her who was the greatest man who ever lived.