A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
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A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
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One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labour with 3 children.
Her husband didn’t want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself.
All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out
and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.
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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
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The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
“Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother.
“My child has swallowed a contraceptive!”
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There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife.
The man and his wife were not having very good sex lately so the man went to a doctor and told him about their problems and the doctor prescribed a pill for the man to take.
The doctor warned thought that if the man took more than one pill the side effects could be damaging.
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Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.
After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following:
“Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old.
There is however, only one problem.
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A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville , Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more…
“Can you give me some more details about this?’ he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies – “Oh yes here it is:”
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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he finally woke, he motioned for her to come closer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You
have been with me all through the bad times.
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A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor.
Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.”
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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
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Doctor I’m having trouble having sex with my wife.
When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous.
When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.
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This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help
me. I just can’t stop having sex!”
“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.
“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day”, he answers back.
“That’s not so much”, says the doctor.
“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.
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“Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed.
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A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination.
They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes.
In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says.
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and told her.
“If you don’t do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die.”
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
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The other day I went over to our nearby Pharmacy.
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.
The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?”
Being I’m a senior citizen … I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.
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The other day I went over to our nearby Pharmacy.
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.
The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?”
Being I’m a senior citizen … I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.
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A man passed out on the beach in Naples, Florida, for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.
He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work.
As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
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