Pope caught speeding

The Pope arrives at JFK and he’s met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, “Pope.”

After getting all the Pope’s luggage loaded in the limo-and His Holiness doesn’t travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Hey, Mr. Pope,” says the driver in accented English, “Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive.”

“That is very much against the rules!” protested the driver, wishing he’d never left Calcutta.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope.

Advertisements

Blonde/Brunette/Redhead on Run

There was 3 girls on the run being chased by cops, they went in a barn and hid in 3 seperate potato bags.

The cops picked up the 1st bag and the auburn says “meow meow”.

breathalyzer test

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.

He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel.

There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.

Two Prostitutes, One Sign

A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read:

“Two Prostitutes – $50.00.” A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read:

“Jesus Saves.” “How come you don’t stop them?!” asked one of the girls.

“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer replied… “their sign pertains to religion.”

Dick on a horse.

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike.
The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there.

Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.”

The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.”

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

School field trip

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.

The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.

car speeding

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph.

The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.

Speeders

Sitting on the edge of the highway 22 waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H.
He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder.
So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over.
Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, said, “Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?”

The bridge

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, ‘Low Bridge overhead’ but, before he could stop, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it.

Acts 2:38:

One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.’

” The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.

Juggling driver

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/West Virginia State line..

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn’t want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket.

He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.

Love on a beach

A policeman sent his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation.
After a week he joined them in the hotel.
As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife.
No darling, we can’t do it here, our kid is watching us.
You are right, lets go to the beach.

3 Three policemen die.

Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.

God greets them and asks, “When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

A woman driving

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.

Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her.

She shot up to 90 miles.

Boy carrying a wild turkey

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?”
The boy replied, “What turkey?”
The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.”
The boy looks down and said, “Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!”

A missing husband report

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbour, to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

Rookie cop.

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.

A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner people.”

Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

I have Contacts

A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license.

After looking it over, he said to her, “Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses.”

making a u-turn

On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.

Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?

Because we are not sure that we will find a place to make a u-turn on the top of the mountain.