Son, say sorry.

Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you’re sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: …But what have I done wrong?
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Missed wedding anniversary

Bob was in trouble.

He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”
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I would like to buy some cyanide

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.” 

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
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