God phones Satan.

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, ” So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey things are going great.
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God will punish you

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, “Fuck, I missed.”

Surprised, the priest replied, “Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you.”

The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.

Again he missed and under his breath the said, “I fuckin missed again.”
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