The health bill.

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
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Can you hear me now ?

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
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16 years later

One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labour with 3 children.

Her husband didn’t want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself.

All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out
and shoots her in the stomach.

When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.
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You Are Lazy

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it.

Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
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The Loving Wife

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his check-up , the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
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Doctors visit.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist.

The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress.

After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”

“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities.”

“That is right,” said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts.

“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
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The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.

“Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother.

“My child has swallowed a contraceptive!”
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New sex pill

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife.

The man and his wife were not having very good sex lately so the man went to a doctor and told him about their problems and the doctor prescribed a pill for the man to take.

The doctor warned thought that if the man took more than one pill the side effects could be damaging.
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Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor

Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.

After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following:

“Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old.

There is however, only one problem.
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Gynaecologist’s Assistant.

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville , Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more…

“Can you give me some more details about this?’ he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies – “Oh yes here it is:”
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Slipping into a Coma

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he finally woke, he motioned for her to come closer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You
have been with me all through the bad times.
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Husband climaxes

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor.

Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.”
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Wife was to skinny

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
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TWICE a day

This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help
me. I just can’t stop having sex!”

“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.

“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day”, he answers back.

“That’s not so much”, says the doctor.

“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a  day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.
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The Lunatic Asylum

One of the benefactors of the local lunatic asylum is walking around the wards when he sees a man sitting bolt upright in bed pretending to drive and making car noises.

“How are you?” asks the visitor.

“Knackered,” replies the patient. “I’ve had to drive all the way to Scotland to deliver a load of steel.”
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A man walks into the dentist’s office

A man walks into the dentist’s office and after the dentist examines him, he says, “that tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novocain and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The man grabs the dentist’s arm, “no way. I hate needles I’m not having any shot!”

So the dentist says, “okay, we’ll have to go with the gas.”

The man replies, “absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I’m not having gas.”
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