Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.
As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, “A cold beer would go down great tonight!”
“Indeed,” the other nun replies, “but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?”
“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” the other nun answers.
“Grab a six-pack.”
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There was three nuns who died and went to purgatory(between heaven and hell). Then ST. Peter went up to them and said, “before any of you can enter heaven you must answer one question”.
So ST. Peter went to the first nun and asked, “how long did it take for God to create the world?” the nun replied, “seven days”. So there was bells ringing and fireworks, and ST. Peter said, “you may now enter heaven”.
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There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890’s whose worn-out body began to surrender.
Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.
However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined.
But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk.
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Submitted by eaf143
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
“Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks.
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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.
Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her.
Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus.
The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray.
If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume.
At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’
She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me.
When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’
‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job
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Mother superior,” Sister Mary won’t let me have a ride on the bicycle”
Mother Superior ” if you two don’t stop fighting I will put the saddle back on again”
Left by eaf143
Murphy approached Mulligan’s bar. On the step outside he was accosted by a nun, Sister Marie, who said:
“Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this den of iniquity? Surely you’re not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil’s brew. Why don’t you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?”
“Hang on, Sister,” spluttered Murphy. “How can you condemn alcohol out of hand? Surely it’s wrong to form such a rash judgement when you’ve never tasted the stuff?”
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I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today.
I only asked for a bomber jacket.
Touchy bastards!
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Mother Superior was taking a bath.
There’s a knock on the door.
She says, “Who is it?”
A male voice responds, “The blind man.”
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Sister Mary runs to the Mother superior and says”
Sister Joan won’t let me have a go on the bicycle”
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