“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothin,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!” Continue reading →
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he’d become comfortable, the front doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any magazines. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath. Continue reading →
A senior couple goes to the doctor. The doctor first visits the husband:
Everything seems to be fine. Are you having problems?
Well, nothing special but when I make love with my wife, the first time, there are no problems at all.
But, the second time I feel very sweaty and this annoys me. Continue reading →
One day a man and woman were standing outside the nursing home casually having a drink and a smoke.
After being outside for a while it started to rain on them.
Suddenly, the man took out a condom, cut off the tip, and slipped it over his cigarette.
The lady asked, “What’s that for?”
He replied, “It’s to keep my cigarette dry when I’m outside smoking and it starts to rain.” Continue reading →
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Continue reading →
A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman
peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, ‘I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.’ Continue reading →