night’s special is chicken

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night.

The waiter tells them the night’s special is chicken almandine and fresh fish.

air conditioning

A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning:

first he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot, then he would ask it be turned down because it was to cold, this went on for about a half an hour.

Quickie joke

A man goes into a restaurant where all the waitresses are gorgeous.

A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, “What would you like, sir?”

He looks at the menu, scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, and then answers, “A quickie.”

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

Great Steaks

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d eaten downtown the day before.
A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.
The group was seated in the back of the restaurant.
After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.

Smelly Mary.

Blind guy sits down in a diner and says to the waiter, “I’m sorry, but I’m blind and I can’t read the menu.
So just bring me a dirty fork, I’ll smell it, and order from there.”
The waiter picks up a greasy fork, and hands it to the blind guy.
The blind guy puts the fork to his nose,
breathes deep, and says, “Ah…that’s what I’ll have…meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
The waiter can’t believe it, and he goes and tells his wife, Mary, who’s the cook.

three-course meal

A man went into a restaurant which was offering a fixed-menu, three-course meal.

When the waiter brought the first course, the man tasted it and said: “What is this?”

tree dwelling marsupial

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich.

He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts,

“Hey! Where are you going?

dangler in the washer

Went to restaurant that I hadn’t been for quite a while

waiter came over for my order

after taking my order I asked was Timmy the chef working today

no he replied

Timmy got the sack about 2 weeks ago

Glass eye, joke.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.

He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place.

Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks.

Chicken surprise, Joke.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’.

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband.