One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labour with 3 children.
Her husband didn’t want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself.
All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out
and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.
Continue reading
Joan, a rather well-proportioned secretary, planned to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a smooth, raised “deck” which received the sun all day long. She wore a bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that since no one could see her way up there that she would slip out of it and get rid of the tan lines on her back.
Continue reading
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
Continue reading
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
Continue reading
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee.
They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away.
Continue reading
Submitted by eaf143
Wife to husband ” You are always pushing me around and talking behind my back”
” So, You are in a wheelchair”
Continue reading
A man tells his wife that he’s going out to buy cigarettes.
When he gets to the store he finds out it’s closed.
So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine.
While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl.
He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he’s in this girl’s apartment and having quite a pleasurable time.
The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.
Continue reading
Submitted by eaf143
FIRST LETTER:
My Dear husband:
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new nightie.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your Ex-Wife.
Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
A husband and wife are moving out of their house and are starting to box everything up.
The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out, and looks inside, where he finds two eggs and about $8,000.
He approaches the wife and asks, “What are the eggs for?”
Continue reading
Kathy was in bed with a man (not her husband).
All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.
“Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?”
“Just stay in bed with me. He’s probably so drunk; he isn’t going to notice you here with me.”
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Kathy, so he trusted her advice.
Continue reading
As my wife and I lay in bed together, I felt the tension in the air.
She then folded her arms and huffed, “You never make the first move.”
“Jesus!” I said as I rolled my eyes. “Every night it’s the same thing.”
Continue reading
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner.
Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game.
“Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don’t fix it the food will go bad.” Kate said.
Paul yells back, “Who do I look like the GE man, I Don’t think so.”
A little while later Kate says, “Honey, you need to fix the hall light, it’s out.”
“Who do I look like an electrician, I don’t think so, ” Paul says.
Continue reading
My wife just bought a t-shirt that said “I love hip hop”
I said, “Your t-shirt is missing a few letters”
Continue reading
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on
this house is £250,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There’s no way we can afford it.’
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front
door with a suitcase.
Continue reading
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Continue reading
Why does your wife have periods?
Because she deserve them.
What is loud and obnoxious?
Your wife.
How do you blind your wife?
Put a windshield in front of her.
Why is life like a penis?
Your wife makes it hard!
Continue reading
Old aged couple on a holiday to celebrate 65 years of married life .
Sitting at the breakfast table she recalls all those years back to when the 2 of them were sitting at the same table naked.
And she asks can we do the same for old time sake .
Jack was about to marry Mary and his father took him to one side.
‘When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,’ he said.
‘I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on .
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn’t possibly wear them, as they were too large… ‘I told her, ‘of course they’re too big’.
I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.
‘Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.’
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her.
He says, “Put those on.”
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
Continue reading
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around WalMart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
“Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence.
I’m looking for my wife, too… I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
Continue reading
Joke for today 