God phones Satan.

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, ” So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey things are going great.

Dead man holding a Grudge

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:

“To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million.”

Hanging offence, joke.

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,— ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.

Start running, joke.

A lawyer and his brother were hunting.

A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling.

The brother said “What should we do?”

Want to marry again, joke.

Mary Jane says to her lawyer, “I wanna get married to my ex-husband.

How can you help me?”

Her lawyer says, “But Mary, it was only last month that you got divorced.

lawyer’s bill.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

Billing per hour

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.

“I’m much too young to die! I’m only 35!”

A box of cigars,joke

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.
“If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined.”
“It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.
“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”
“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behaviour.
A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court.
In fact, you shouldn’t even smile at the judge.

Lawyer joke

Did you hear about the guy on the beach who found a bottle? He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a Genie.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the Genie. “But there’s a catch.”
“What catch?” he asked.
The Genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for.”
“Well, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.
“What is your first wish?” asked the Genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari.”
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.

New lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school.

He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.

He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.

One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone.

He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

A doctor vacationing

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought?

Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.

What are you doing here?”

A doctor, lawyer and a little boy

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

lawyer a thief and a teacher

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident.

So when they reach the pearly gates.

St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.