A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out.
‘What’s the matter?’ she asked. ‘It’s my birthday!’ he hollered.
‘And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there’s to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .’ and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. Continue reading →
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees – always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn’t making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off.
But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it.
He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off. Continue reading →
The Indian Chief thought that it was going to be a bad winter so he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he suddenly felt that he ought to check his forecast so he phoned the local met office.
“Tell me, is it going to be a bad winter?”
“Yes” said the forecaster ” it will be a bad one”
So the Chief told the braves that they didn’t have enough wood and sent them back into the forest again. They returned with more wood but once again the Chief had doubts and he called the forecaster to confirm. Continue reading →
A little boy & a little girl are playing doctor behind a barn.
They are both bear butt naked.
The little boy’s mom comes around the corner, and catches them.
She grabs her son by the arm, and drags him to the house.
Spanking him the whole way.
When they get back to the house she sits him down, and says to the little boy “don’t be messing’ with those little girls. Continue reading →
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV.
A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.
So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
As soon as he sees her, she takes off running.
He tries to catch her, but is unable.
This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. Continue reading →
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.” Continue reading →